


tell me i'm loved

by GrayJedi11



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Sweetheart, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, M/M, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, back to what most of my fics are are we, ive been feeling the intrulogical recently, logan needs help, oh shit i should ta, possibly implied abuse but i didmt mean it that way, shit idk what to call this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayJedi11/pseuds/GrayJedi11
Summary: logan's boyfriend gets there in time to show him that he's worth it.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 133





	tell me i'm loved

**Author's Note:**

> idk about the title i needed something

So cold.

Wind, dancing through his hair and down his face and neck. It was dumb, this one. He would’ve preferred a gun, cyanide, even a train. The pretty silver things daring him to do it.

His feet curled around the edge, drawing him forward. It was his own house behind him, his own memories. Awful things.

Blood-red and bruised purple had joined his favorite colors with innocent blue. They brought him relief, kept this from happening. For a while. Green had become another member, but he’d tried hard to force himself not to love it. Can’t go around missing people, now can we?

_Do it._

Soon. It would be soon.

A sound, a hum, echoed from behind him. A familiar, comforting tune. It was friendly, and sad. It was made of love, at least from the one singing it.

It didn’t technically mean anything right now, but that was fine. He whispered something sweet that he wasn’t sure the hum could hear. Preparation for darkness. The humming didn’t care what he said. It would let him go.

He closed his eyes. He wanted so many things, but all his desires ended the same. Something soft burned his hand, and he couldn’t help but sink a little closer.

“You can leave now.”

Was it a bad idea to do it when he came?

Was Logan just hoping to see him?

Logan wouldn’t see him, though. He knew that if he turned around now, his arms would be too tempting, his concerned face too tempting, his touch too tempting, his kiss too tempting. And he’d miss this chance.

He felt the warmth grow tighter around his hand.

“I won’t leave. Especially not before I’ve even gotten to see you.”

The words were confident, but Logan could hear the tremble behind them, and it hurt. He knew the temptation to turn around would only grow. He rubbed his thumb along the other’s hand, missing him already. 

The grip only tightened as his foot greeted the open air. It moved to the other hand as well, and it jerked backwards, dragging his foot from the edge. 

Apparently his efforts to avoid facing him were now fruitless. The long desired touch comforted the presence of blood as Remus ran his hands up and down Logan’s arms. He wasn’t sure if he could convince himself to leave anymore.

Remus was crying as he pulled Logan closer by the torso. The tears dripped from his face to Logan’s. He wished he could have a kiss, one last time, but that wasn’t an option at the moment.

“Would you mind letting me go?”

“I would.”

Logan tried to resist against his boyfriend’s grip. He paused when his wish was fulfilled, beginning to cry as well.

Remus kissed him softly, cradling his face. It was what he so desperately ~~needed~~ wanted. He wanted to press his lips to Remus’s a million times over, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t now.

But it was sweet, and it was wonderful. Sobs escaped as the kiss ended, he didn’t want it to end, he felt as if he’d lost something. If he could stumble backwards and leave him here, everything would be fine, he would be safe from temptation and sadness.

But Remus’s touch felt safe. It felt safer than suicide ever would. Than anyone else’s touch ever would. It felt safer than the blood on his arms, the cuts there masking as comfort. It felt safer than blankets, and kind words. It felt safer than telling himself this was good, he needs to point out all his flaws. It felt safer than knowing this would someday end, one way or another.

So he let Remus kiss him. His whole face, little pecks, long ones, each leaving a burning in its wake. His touch starvation longed for this, it had been far too long since he’d even seen Remus. He nuzzled his head against Logan’s neck. He kissed wherever he could. He tightened his grip and pulled him closer, closer, until he wasn’t sure there was any physical gap they could bridge anymore.

And he pulled him back through the window. Off of the roof, into the room where he couldn’t jump, where he would be safe, and warm.

“You… you won’t leave, will you?”

“Of course I won’t. I’ll _never_ leave if you need it.”

There was no way for Logan to make him understand how much he loved him. How much hearing that meant, how much he needed and wanted his comfort. And there was no way for Remus to hold him to make Logan understand how much he deserved it.

But he could try.

Remus silently thanked whatever god made him tall, because now he could wrap himself around Logan, spread his weight so Logan could feel it. It was comforting, and it was so much warmer than what it had been before.

“Is there anything you need, Lo?”

“I… am I hurting you? You were crying, I’m-”

“What do you need?”

He said this softly, quietly. There was a small smile on his face. He put his hand in Logan’s hair, his palm resting on his cheek, awaiting an answer.

“I need… I want… you.”

“I’m here.”

“I’m- I’m sorry. I can’t believe you love me or want me anymore, I can’t tell you what I need because it’s at your expense, it used to be that you were the only person I believed wanted me around, but since you had to go for the summer, you weren’t there to tell me that was wrong and I didn’t text you enough so you didn’t text as much and I wanted to talk to you and I needed to talk to you but I felt like I was dumping all my problems on you.”

“So… what you need is for me to convince you that I love you? And I’ll always be there for you? And that you mean so much to me, more than anything? And I would do _anything_ to make you happy, to know that you’re going to be okay? Because there are multiple ways I could go about doing that. What would you like first? Kisses, or talking?”

“Is that, is that true? You would do anything?”

“Anything.”

“...Kisses, then.”

Remus pressed his lips to Logan’s, feeling the body against him crumple from it. He hugged tighter, ran his hands through Logan’s hair, and Logan cried, because he missed his kisses so much. Remus kissed his cheek, with enough force that he unintentionally turned his head, his cheek smushing against the pillow. Remus nuzzled his face for a kiss on his ear, and another on the corner of his mouth. The want for affection had emptied him.

Logan raised his own hand to Remus’s cheek, who pulled his face away for a moment. The taller man pulled Logan’s hand with his own to kiss it gently, smiling at the blush on his boyfriend’s face.

He laced his fingers with Logan’s, turning over a little so Logan could easily nuzzle him instead.

“Talking, now?”

Logan nodded from his head’s spot on Remus’s shoulder.

“Shall I go first?”

“Well, Logan, I’d like to get something out of the way. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And I’m not saying this because I feel bad for you, or anything, I’m saying it because it’s true. You’re _wonderful_ , and you’re _beautiful_. If anyone were to tell you any different, that you’re worth any less because of your scars, or your pain, or your struggle, I will gladly destroy them for you in a method of your choice.”

“Don’t- don’t destroy people, Remus.”

He could see it made him feel better, though.

“Why can’t I- I can’t stop myself from worrying you’re lying. I should trust you, you’re amazing, so amazing and I don’t think you’re capable of lying to me about that, but-”

“What can I do to convince you I’m not lying? Ooh, I have an idea!”

“Hm?”

Remus turned to face the ceiling, pulling his phone from his back pocket, the glow of their faces on his screensaver reminding Logan of one of the best days of his life. He unlocked it, opening Google Drive. He went into a folder labeled “Logan,” which was filled with… drawings?

Sure enough, they were drawings.

There were so many of them, and they were all of Logan. There were a couple pictures as well, some taken while he was working, others when there were big smiles on his face. One of them, his hair was messy, his glasses were falling down, and he was wearing an unbuttoned polo with a coffee in hand. Logan was revolted by it, he thought it must have been the ugliest he’s ever been. But Remus saw otherwise.

And the drawings. Remus was an artist with a… unique style. Logan loved it, though, none of his drawings were ever boring.

But these ones…

This was _realism_. He never would’ve thought that his boyfriend would attempt to do anything of the sort, or that he even _could_. But they were beautiful, and there were so many of them. Some resembled the pictures kept in the folder, others completely different. They were all drawn as if Logan was… pretty. Like Remus cared about them.

“Is this creepy?”

“I think it’s… amazing.”

“I’ve never shown these to anyone. I was debating if I was ever going to show you, but I know you wouldn’t judge me for doing something so… different than my usual art. Most of these took hours and hours and hours, but I just… I can’t help but finish them because they’re so… indicative? Is that a good word? Well, of how much I love you. And how perfect you are.”

“I’m not perfect. My nose is bumpy, my eyes are wrong, my face isn’t symmetrical enough-”

“Lo, imperfection _is_ perfection.”

“It’s not, though, it just means I’m ugl-”

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

“I- yeah. Your eyes are big, and get wide when you’re excited, you smile in the most wonderful way, your hair falls over your eyes sometimes, and it’s the most adorable thing when you brush it away.”

“Now look at my face. Is it symmetrical? Is my nose perfectly shaped? Are my cheekbones stereotypically hot? Do my lips sit perfectly? Does my hair fall gracefully or does it stick up sometimes?”

“...No. But you’re still… beautiful.”

“So why’s it any different for you?”

Logan didn’t have an answer.

“I love you, Remus.”

“Do you believe me now that I love you?”

“There certainly are a lot of drawings- you drew me _shirtless_?”

“I was considering drawing you completely naked, but I figured if you ever saw these, you might get a little weirded out.”

“Honestly, knowing you, I’d understand.”

He kept scrolling, drawing after drawing, picture after picture in a seemingly endless stream.

“God, how many of these did you do?”

“...I honestly don’t really know.”

They got to the bottom of the folder, and Remus set his phone down on his chest. Logan cuddled up against him, head buried in his neck. Remus stroked his hair, smiling whenever his boyfriend edged closer. They ended up in each other’s arms, Logan laying across Remus’s chest with his head between his shoulder and neck. He pressed a kiss to Logan’s cheek, holding tight.

He swore to himself that he would make sure Logan was okay. No matter how long it took, no matter how many kisses he had to give, no matter how hard it would be to get money for therapy. 

He was going to be there for him.


End file.
